How it all began - part 1

I was 17. I was totally in love. I decided to tell what I feel to the boy I loved. Yes it was a male and I was a male. And he was straight. I was not sure wether he was gay or straight.
Actually I tried to tell him what I feel when we were 16. But I didn´t do it because when the moment was right, my phone started ringing.

Ok, so after a year and half I decided to finally tell him about my love. I was in terrible depression that month. And I was afraid that he will cancel our meeting, because he did that plenty of times. But he didn´t cancel it that day. So there we were and I told him. He told me he was straight and that he wouldn´t never love me back. My heart was broken.

                                          Source: https://resources.stuff.co.nz/

I had a plan what I will do if this happen. I decided to kill myself.
Later that afternoon I took a knife and went to my favourite place. There is a very mythical tree close to my city. It looks like there is some magic hidden in it. I decided to stab my heart next to this tree. But I figured out that stab yourself into the heart is not easy. I had to change my plan. I climbed at a column with high voltage wires. I was 30 meters above ground. I have to say that I have a strong fear of hights. But at that moment that fear was gone. So I was on the column. I chanted and watched the sunset. Then I felt like that time is right. I tried to jump. I felt like I did it, but than I saw gold flash all around and I was back on the column. Than I heard voice in my head for the first time. The voice said that I mustn´t die now. Because I am so in love. And that I have to use this love to try change something.