Second hospitalization - part 2

Today we will look again on my second hospitalization.

Delusions of the others

There were some weird moments during second hospitalisation. For example I talked with some older man about real power of love. We talked about a theory that love will end this world soon and everybody will be happy. I still kinda think about it today. I like this idea.

Another experience from first weeks was with another man. He told me he thought that I had some superpowers because he had been feeling good since the day I had came to that hospital. I believed him because I was constantly trying to shift the world with my feeling of love.

Withdrawal symptoms

After some weeks I was getting normal. I was transfered to another hospital building, where are treated people with less serious conditions. 

Doctors took one of my pills away. It was very addictive pill. Withdrawal symptoms was so bad that I was waking up at 3AM and I was in terrible depression till 7AM when the program of the hospital ward was starting. That four terrible hours I was thinking only about suicide. 

Another love

During next weeks I started to talk with one very friendly man. We were listening Nightwish together. We got very close. We talked about deep feelings. One night after all people left smoking room we started to kiss. I was most beautiful kiss in my life. But soon after that was going to be released from the hospital. He cried night before I left the hospital.  Let´s call this man Bartholomew. I will talk about him again. 

Graduation

During this hospitalisation I passed oral part of graduation. After I came home I passed written part. I don´t know how I passed, but I am proud of it. I was in such a mess months before graduation. I was able to read again only two weeks before oral exam!

                                          Source: https://www.usm.edu

Second hospitalization - part 1

Hello, everyone!

Today I am going to tell you something about my second hospitalization in psychiatric hospital.

New pal

One of my earliest memories from second hospitalization is kind of funny. I didn´t know where I was. I went from my room to the corridor. I sat on the bench. Then one man sat next to me. He looked little bit as one of my closest friends. He asked me "Why are you here?" I replied "I thought that It was end of the world." "Oh, It isn´t?" said he. We talked about strange things. Then we talked about music. We decided to sing. But we weren´t able to remember any song. But it was nice to have some company.

                                          Source: https://www.express.co.uk

Some of my delusions

When somebody told me in which city I am, I didn´t belive. I thought it was a prank and that I am still in my hometown. I thouht it is only another building from the hospital complex.

Another delusion is from my first week in this hospital. I felt little bit depressed because I was losing time. My graduation exam was occuring early and I was trapped here. I decided to travel back in time. So I was walking backwards watching clock. It was moving backwards too! At least I thought. My attempt was ruined by male nurse who banned me from running in the corridor. 

Struggle to write in English

Ok, it´s kind a tough for me to write this blog. The reason why I write so little is that writting blog in English is much harder than I thought. My listening skills in English are perfect. And I speak fluently. But writing is a big problem for me!

                                          Source: https://www.roguefitness.com

I want to mention that my story was more interesting that story which I wrote on this blog. But my storytelling abilities in English are still kind a limiting. I hope tt will get better.

So please give me a chance. This blog will be written in different style in the future. I have some original concepts on my czech blog and would like to implement it here too.

Second episode

My first love found girlfriend. I was in total mess. Before their realitionship I was kind a friend of her. After they got togehter, I hated them both. They were kissing each other in a scholl hall. It was terrible for me seeing them every day in love.

                                          Source: https://www.freepik.com

I started to concentrate my energy to shift the reality somehow. And so... I shifted my mind instead.
One night I was seeing some symbols and then I left home after 2 AM. I was rambling through the city, then I took taxi and went to police station to tell the police I had two ID cards. It was true. That week I found a long lost ID card.
I is not problem to found lost ID card and have two of them for a while. Problem is to go to the police after 2AM.
Police called my parents who took me to local mental hospital.

Nurse gave me some white pill after which I fell asleep. I woke up in totally different hospital in city located 120 km (almost 75 miles) from my home. When I found out which day it is I realised that I didn´t remember whole day. Weird!

After first episode

I was so terribly tired! That pills made me zombie. I was sleeping 14 hours a day. It was huge problem!

Other thing I thought was negative was decrease of symbolic thinking. I thouht like somebody stole my super power.

After some time I decided to quit antipsychotics. And lot of people around me thought It was a good idea. They saw that I am not able to function with this medication.

                                          Source: https://img-s-msn-com.akamaized.net

So I stopped take the pills. After some time things got normal again. I was active again. 

But some things was different than before my psychosis episode. I talked about strange stuff that I experienced during the episode. I believed that it was something very important and that I had right.

My disease eventually came back. But there was a long time (cca 8 months) when I was relatively normal.

First Hospitalization - part 2

I was recovering. I still had some delusions. But it was better. After being manic I was suffering post psychosis depression.

My thinking was still symbolic. When I was watching TV it was so cool! Every show had higher meaning.

I talked to some people who were hospitalized with me and made some friends. We talked about mysterious stuff together. We shared some of our delusions. 

I started to be very sleepy because of medication. But doctor thought I was better and so I was released from mental hospital.

I came back home and was going to school again.

                       Source: https://productstewardshipinstitute.files.wordpress.com

First hospitalization - part 1

I don´t rembember well the start of my first hospitalization. I think, first, I was hospitalized in regional mental hospital and then transfered to local mental hospital.

                       Source: https://productstewardshipinstitute.files.wordpress.com

I was in something which was little bit a limbo. First thing I remeber was how I woke up from weird sleepy state. There was one man with same hair colour as my first love and same first name. There was chess figures an two bags. One black and one white. He told me that we could play chess. But I just put whit figures in white bag and black figures to black bag. It´s silly but that´s first thing I remember.

Then I started to talk. People were surprised because haven´t talked for a week.
Then I tried to escape. I am not sure how i did it. I used to think that i did some strange move with door handle from both sides of doors (I put my hand through door window). Later I realised that I could put my hand from window and press the bell. Then a nurse could open the door thinking that it is some visitor. I do not remember that, but it is the most probable explanation.
Way I was escaping from hospital grounds was quite stange. On every crossroad I turned left. I believed that it will lead me to right place.
I somehow got to the riverside. Than a car came to me. It was the man who wanted do play chess with me. He told me to get to the car. I did it. His friend who just was in mental hospital to visit him was driving.
And then he took me back to the mental hospital..