Second hospitalization - part 1

Hello, everyone!

Today I am going to tell you something about my second hospitalization in psychiatric hospital.

New pal

One of my earliest memories from second hospitalization is kind of funny. I didn´t know where I was. I went from my room to the corridor. I sat on the bench. Then one man sat next to me. He looked little bit as one of my closest friends. He asked me "Why are you here?" I replied "I thought that It was end of the world." "Oh, It isn´t?" said he. We talked about strange things. Then we talked about music. We decided to sing. But we weren´t able to remember any song. But it was nice to have some company.

                                          Source: https://www.express.co.uk

Some of my delusions

When somebody told me in which city I am, I didn´t belive. I thought it was a prank and that I am still in my hometown. I thouht it is only another building from the hospital complex.

Another delusion is from my first week in this hospital. I felt little bit depressed because I was losing time. My graduation exam was occuring early and I was trapped here. I decided to travel back in time. So I was walking backwards watching clock. It was moving backwards too! At least I thought. My attempt was ruined by male nurse who banned me from running in the corridor. 

Second episode

My first love found girlfriend. I was in total mess. Before their realitionship I was kind a friend of her. After they got togehter, I hated them both. They were kissing each other in a scholl hall. It was terrible for me seeing them every day in love.

                                          Source: https://www.freepik.com

I started to concentrate my energy to shift the reality somehow. And so... I shifted my mind instead.
One night I was seeing some symbols and then I left home after 2 AM. I was rambling through the city, then I took taxi and went to police station to tell the police I had two ID cards. It was true. That week I found a long lost ID card.
I is not problem to found lost ID card and have two of them for a while. Problem is to go to the police after 2AM.
Police called my parents who took me to local mental hospital.

Nurse gave me some white pill after which I fell asleep. I woke up in totally different hospital in city located 120 km (almost 75 miles) from my home. When I found out which day it is I realised that I didn´t remember whole day. Weird!

After first episode

I was so terribly tired! That pills made me zombie. I was sleeping 14 hours a day. It was huge problem!

Other thing I thought was negative was decrease of symbolic thinking. I thouht like somebody stole my super power.

After some time I decided to quit antipsychotics. And lot of people around me thought It was a good idea. They saw that I am not able to function with this medication.

                                          Source: https://img-s-msn-com.akamaized.net

So I stopped take the pills. After some time things got normal again. I was active again. 

But some things was different than before my psychosis episode. I talked about strange stuff that I experienced during the episode. I believed that it was something very important and that I had right.

My disease eventually came back. But there was a long time (cca 8 months) when I was relatively normal.

First hospitalization - part 1

I don´t rembember well the start of my first hospitalization. I think, first, I was hospitalized in regional mental hospital and then transfered to local mental hospital.

                       Source: https://productstewardshipinstitute.files.wordpress.com

I was in something which was little bit a limbo. First thing I remeber was how I woke up from weird sleepy state. There was one man with same hair colour as my first love and same first name. There was chess figures an two bags. One black and one white. He told me that we could play chess. But I just put whit figures in white bag and black figures to black bag. It´s silly but that´s first thing I remember.

Then I started to talk. People were surprised because haven´t talked for a week.
Then I tried to escape. I am not sure how i did it. I used to think that i did some strange move with door handle from both sides of doors (I put my hand through door window). Later I realised that I could put my hand from window and press the bell. Then a nurse could open the door thinking that it is some visitor. I do not remember that, but it is the most probable explanation.
Way I was escaping from hospital grounds was quite stange. On every crossroad I turned left. I believed that it will lead me to right place.
I somehow got to the riverside. Than a car came to me. It was the man who wanted do play chess with me. He told me to get to the car. I did it. His friend who just was in mental hospital to visit him was driving.
And then he took me back to the mental hospital..

How it all began - part 2

So there was I. On the solid ground after the suicide attempt. First week after that attempt I was full of depression. But then I started to try change my live. I did something strange with my mind. I could get lot of energy only by thinking of my love. Suddenly reality started to change. I was so positive about everything.

But not just it. I started to see some symbols. Everything I was watching or reading had some higher sence. But it was still ok. Some people around me even thought that it was cool.

                                          Source: https://www.123rf.com

I had a feeling that I am able to change the world. I tried to help everybody who I met. I made lot of promises. I was so positive and people around me was too. But then I failed to do everythinkgthat I promised. And people started think that there is something wrong about my behaviour.

Suddenly I was in stress. I heard some voices in my head. They told me that I have to escape. I was looking for some symbols. That symbols led me through my city. Then I went to the forrest.
I believed that civilization will suddenly dissappeard as my voices told me.

It was strange. There was two views which I saw. At on moment I saw some factory which is located near that forest, cottages and another stuff. At another moment every piece of civilazation was gone and there was only nature. These two views was taking turns.

Then I saw only the real view with the factory and other stuff. I decided to go back home.
When I came home, there were police officers. My parrents were worried that I disappeard.
Police officers called an ambulance which toke me right to mental hospital.

New blog

Hi, everyone! Welcome to my blog.

This blog is about my experience with a mental illness. To be concrete with a schizoaffectiove disorder.

Plese forgive me my gramatical mistakes. English is my second language.
What is my first language? Czech! Yes, I am Czech and I live in Czechia. (It´s a country in the middle of Europe). So, on this blog you can read about my experience with a psychiatrical treatment in Czechia.

If you speak czech, you can also read an older version of my blog, where I am still pretty active.
http://zdivocelamysl.blogspot.cz/
By the way, this blog is not translation of the old blog. So content here could be much different.

I hope, that you will like this place. Here we go!

                                          Source: https://www.tyro.com